I have made mistakes. You probably wouldn’t believe the mistakes I’ve made. Some of them I am very ashamed of. I’ve also done things that I knew were wrong. Apparently the more mistakes you make, the more you learn. But some mistakes I feel are not in our control and go back to some unresolved, unknown issue.
Lately though, I keep making a same set of mistakes. I have been going up and down and around and in between I’m being told to ‘wake up to yourself, get a girlfriend, stop smoking, work harder, faster, better, stronger…’. It’s such a catch 22. I don’t think I am hurting anyone, but I am.
I am really trying to find the gift of this adversity at the moment, but it has decided to take a holiday while I learn another lesson. Possibly the same one I learned before because I am making a mistake that I know I’ve done before.
I know I am not alone, but it hurts so damn much when your family and the people you love the most are disappointed in you.
Maybe I should just use it as leverage to help someone else, that always makes me feel better.
But that is taking the focus off myself, which is something I really need to do right now.
At least I am still alive, and I have the ability to change…
Billy Joel is musical royalty. There would be very few in the world who wouldn’t be able to sing along to his first number 1 song “Piano Man”. Following on from this wildly popular number 1 track, Billy Joel would go on to write another 33 US number 1′s over the next 3 decades (’70′s, ’80′s and ’90′s), be inducted into 4 highly regarded Hall’s of Fame, receive 23 Grammy nominations, win 6 of them, and sold 150 million records worldwide.
What would drive such a high achiever to feel depressed? A guy with this talent and regard should be on top of the moon, right?
Wrong. But let me start from the beginning, from what I can take of the numerous sources I am pulling together. From a young age, Billy was reluctantly sent to piano lessons on the insistence of his mother. His father was a noted and accomplished classical pianist. Billy grew to take an interest in his music, while his peers where heavily into sport. This became grounds for the abuse Joel would receive by schoolyard and neighborhood bullies. What made matters worse was that his piano teacher would also teach ballet at the same address, a welcome bonus for the bullies.
Although I cannot find any literature to suggest that he was suffering from depression at this early age, the constant bullying would have almost certainly had some effect on his sense of self worth and mental health. A common trait by mental illness sufferers, he took up boxing to defend himself. As a side note he went on to win 22 amateur bouts before handing his gloves in after receiving a broken nose.
In the late 1960′s and early ’70′s, Joel went through many bands and outfits as he made his way into the professional performing world. He recorded his first solo album Cold Spring Harbour in 1971, which did not gain recognition until many years later, so much so that by 1972 Joel had moved from New York to Los Angeles to perform gigs under a different stage name “Billy Martin”. The album included a song titled Tomorrow is Today, the lyrics of which were taken from a suicide note Joel had left in 1970 before drinking furniture polish in an attempt to take his own life.
I’ve been livin’ for the moment
But I just can’t have my way
And I’m afraid to go to sleep
‘Cause tomorrow is today
People tell me life is sweeter
But I don’t hear what they say
Nothing comes to change my life
So tomorrow is today
I don’t care to know the hour
‘Cause it’s passing anyway
I don’t have to see tomorrow
‘Cause I saw it yesterday
So I listen for an answer
But the feeling seems to stay
And what’s the use of always dreaming
If tomorrow is today
Still I’m waiting for the morning
But it feels so far away
And you don’t need the love I’m giving
So tomorrow is today
Oh, my. Goin’ to the river
Gonna take a ride and the Lord will deliver me
Made my bed, now I’m gonna lie in it
If you don’t come, I’m sure gonna die in it
Too late. Too much given
I’ve seen a lot of life and I’m damn sick of livin’ it
I keep hopin’ that you will pass my way
And some day if your dreams are leavin’ you
I’ll still believe in you
I don’t care to know the hour
‘Cause it’s passing anyway
I don’t have to see tomorrow
‘Cause I saw it yesterday
Though I’m living and I’m singing
And although my hands still play
Soon enough it will all be over
‘Cause tomorrow is today
-”Tomorrow is today”, Billy Joel
Adding to the bill (no pun intended), are 3 marriages and subsequent divorces amongst other failed high profile relationships, substance abuse and career downturns, on top of the underlying clinical depression he has been suffering. In 2002 and 2005 he admitted himself to psychiatric and rehabilitation clinics in an attempt to gain freedom.
I would like to finish on a high note (sorry!) by sharing these lyrics from a song he wrote in 1985 for the purpose of preventing teen suicide:
You’re having a hard time and lately you don’t feel so good
You’re getting a bad reputation in your neighborhood
It’s alright, it’s alright, sometimes that’s what it takes
You’re only human, you’re allowed to make your share of mistakes
(You’re only human, ooo-ooo)
You better believe there will be times in your life
When you’ll be feeling like a stumbling fool
So take it from me you’ll learn more from your accidents
Than anything that you could ever learn at school
Don’t forget your second wind
Sooner or later you’ll get your second wind
It’s not always easy to be living in this world of pain
You’re gonna be crashing into stone walls again and again
It’s alright, it’s alright, though you feel your heart break
You’re only human, you’re gonna have to deal with heartache
(You’re only human, ooo-ooo)
Just like a boxer in a title fight
You got to walk in that ring all alone
You’re not the only one who’s made mistakes
But they’re the only thing that you can truly call your own
Don’t forget your second wind
Wait in your corner until that breeze blows in
You’ve been keeping to yourself these days
Cause you’re thinking everything’s gone wrong
Sometimes you just want to lay down and die
But that emotion can be so strong
But hold on ’till that old second wind comes along
(You’re only human, ooo-ooo)
You probably don’t want to hear advice from someone else
But I wouldn’t be telling you if I hadn’t been there myself
It’s alright, it’s alright, sometimes that’s what it takes
We’re only human, we’re supposed to make mistakes
(You’re only human, ooo-ooo)
I survived all those long lonely days
When it seemed I did not have a friend
Cause all I needed was a little faith
So I could catch my breath and face the world again
Don’t forget your second wind
Sooner or later you’ll feel that momentum kick in
(One more time!)
Don’t forget your second wind
Sooner or later you’ll feel that momentum kick in
Don’t forget your second wind
(You’re only human, ooo-ooo)
-”You’re only human”, Billy Joel
WARNING: This video is extremely cheesy, but you loose your cringe after a little while The message and who he was selling the message to was all relative and would’ve been what made it popular in the day, rendering the song #9 on the US charts at the time.
Abraham Lincoln, 16th President of the United States (February 12, 1809 – April 15, 1865).
Surveys by scholars conducted since the ’40s have consistently ranked Lincoln as one of the top three presidents of the USA, often #1. The highly respected former president was instrumental in shaping modern equality laws by abolishing slavery. He successfully extinguished the infamous American Civil War, ultimately costing him his life, becoming the first assassinated American president.
In his early teens, Lincoln was known to speak of suicide on more than one occasion. He disliked hard labor and was seen by his family as lazy. The death of his best friend and speculated love interest Ann Rutledge in his mid twenties sent Lincoln into a deep and dark depression, which would take him many years to reconcile.
By his late twenties, Lincoln was climbing the ladder of success quite rapidly, all the while gaining a distinct reputation for being a depressive. In the Nineteenth Century, a successful person with major adversities such as ‘melancholy’ (now termed clinical depression) often went hand in hand. It was so widely accepted that Lord Byron once talked about a depressive’s ‘fearful gift’ of being in an almost diseased state at his worst, and a source of depth and wisdom at his best. This is The Gift Of Adversity.
Lincoln used humor quite often to help himself cope. As he once stated; ‘it’s essential for my survival’. He also, at times, spent hours a day in therapy with his doctor.
Lincoln never absolutely overcame his depression but simply repeated coping mechanisms he had learnt. He leaves a long and lasting legacy in his achievements both pre and post mortem.
The message and who he was selling the message to was all relative and would’ve been what made it popular in the day, rendering the song #9 on the US charts at the time.
